


Public Displays of Affection

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-23
Updated: 2007-05-23
Packaged: 2019-01-19 06:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12404880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Draco gets upset and Goyle learns to recognize misplaced jealousy when it shrieks at him.





	Public Displays of Affection

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

"I dunno, mine is harder." 

"Well, yeah, but I'm definitely bigger." 

"Yes but bigger and softer wouldn't work as well would it?" 

"Shut your face, I work just as well as you, don't I Draco?" 

Draco Malfoy sighed in exasperation. He was getting really tired of this argument. "Look, you're both half-troll and you're equally capable of beating someone up. Perferably Scarhead," he added with menace, glaring over at the Gryffindor table. Crabbe and Goyle shrugged at eachother and went back to comparing fists.   
Twenty minutes later, the Slytherin table was in an uproar. Or at least Draco's corner was. 

"Look at them, it's disgusting. Isn't there a rule against Public Displays of Affection?" Cho Chang had caught Harry on his way out of the Hall and was whispering furiously in his ear. Draco watched Harry's face fall and changed his mind. "Oh, maybe she's chucked him! That would be just precious, wouldn't it Vince?" 

Crabbe, noting his name with impeccably developed selective hearing, responded with an "oh, yeah. You're completely right." Draco wasn't listening. 

"Draco," Goyle began tentatively. 

"Shut up, I'm watching Potter's life get ruined. Go, Chang, go! I never understood how she could be in Ravenclaw and settle for that thick prat." Crabbe and Goyle shrugged at eachother again and went back to their breakfasts.

A very short while later, they were interrupted by a loud gasp.

"What the hell? Chang?! I HAD FAITH IN YOU! PDA, PDA! SOMEBODY GET A TEACHER!" Harry had given Cho a quick peck and a sort of strained smile before exiting the Hall. There was a beat while Draco was enraged and Crabbe was hungry and Goyle was pretty sure he should be having some sort of revelation about his friend right now but couldn't quite find it. "I think," Draco informed his friends in somber tones, "that I have been scarred for life. I can't believe I was just subjected to watching Potter-" and here he cringed, as if readying himself to say something filthy "-kiss someone."

 "Why are you so concerned if Harry kisses someone?" Goyle asked carefully. 

When Draco was done giving him a death glare for using Potter's first name, he replied with, "because it's disgusting. He's disgusting, with his disgusting scar and tragic glasses and wierd eyes and stupid, annoying sex hair." 

Crabbe's excellent hearing device kicked in again. "Sorry, what?"

Draco absolutely refused to blush. He examined his porridge, which had gone cold while he watched Potter do filthy things with Chang. "It's a figure of speech. Y'know, cause it's all mussed up and kind of wild, like after... well, yeah." There was silence while Goyle contemplated the feeling nagging at the back of his mind, as if he was standing on the edge of a cliff and if he could just step in the correct direction he might be safe from discovering something he really didn't want to know. Before he could decide what to say next, Crabbe pushed him off.

"Did you just use the words "sex" and "Potter" in the same sentence?"

"Actually," Draco informed him, "I didn't. The subject was "HIS", it could be any HE." 

"But you were talking about Potter." 

"WELL THANK YOU FOR THAT STUNNING DISPLAY OF INTELLECT, VINCENT, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY HELPFUL IN POTIONS THE OTHER DAY." Crabbe blinked quietly, shrugged (this was a popular action adopted by those who spent too much time around Draco), and decided food was more interesting than his friend's crisis of word-choice.

"Well," Goyle said resignedly. He was surprised that he had never noticed before, but then remembered that he was kind of dim. Nonetheless, Potter was a nice chap, and he wished his friend well. "Since Cho obviously just broke up with him... maybe you should go find him?" 

Draco's face lit up. "Excellent idea, Goyle. Best to kick him while he's down. Oh, maybe it had something to do with the size of his manhood." And he was gone.

Goyle was not surprised to find, upon exiting breakfast, Draco pinned against a wall by a very messy crop of black hair. Ron Weasely, however, was less expectant.

"Harry!" a strangled yell wrent the air. "What are you DOING?" 

"Oh, hush Ron," Hermione said, hitting him on the arm. "You can't honestly say that you didn't see it coming." Smart girl, Goyle thought. 

Harry extricated himself, or more accurately his mouth, momentarily from Draco to peer over his shoulder at his friend. "Sorry, mate. But you can't blame me. All this unresolved sexual tension and such. Besides, he's much nicer when he's not talking." He cut off Draco's cry of protest with another kiss and Ron fainted.

"Talk about public displays of affection," Goyle murmured to himself as Crabbe emerged from the great hall, finally having managed to tear himself away from his breakfast. He took in the scene before them with a stony face.

"Huh." His voice held no emotion. "That's a relief. Thought we'd have to hear him whine forever."


End file.
